I have chosen no better time than now to already have been in celibate monk mode for the past several months now, as the lifestyle has served as training for what life would become during lock down before it actually happened. However, I wouldn’t say my practice has completely insulated me from the social distancing side effects.
In fact, I feel more obligated to restart my social life to make up for the great blow dealt to the pyschosphere from this quarantine suppressing our humanity.
Yes, I do appreciate solitude, but I know for a fact that tensions and desires have been pressurizing as we eagerly wait for the return to normal human interactions, especially the romantic kind. I almost don’t want to miss that initial wave of thirst when the flood gates open.
But as a MGTOW in Monk Mode, the method of determining the next direction of my life isn’t that simple.
While the average person had their social life forcibly removed, and therefore feels like something is missing, I voluntarily replaced my social life with my work and personal achievements long ago. Getting back into dating and socializing after such a long time will actually result in a trade-off or loss, as less work, money, and progress will be made.
If I was still watching TV and playing video-games, it would be very easy to just say I am simply replacing some of my previous pastimes with dating. But lately, my main hobby has been to work on Moon Base MGTOW, and any spare time after that is left for exercise and self-study.
“If a man has already identified that he will not extend any long-term commitments to any woman, then there is truly nothing of lasting value that can be created through your relationships with women. Short-term dating thus becomes another form of cheap entertainment.”Creativity Is Leisure: Why You Should Consume Only What You Intend To Create
That said, this hardcore focus is quite recent, and I have no idea how permanent this new found logic truly is. It was only a little over 30 days ago that my binge watching of Gurren Laggan caused me to have a nocturnal emission , and if you look at the picture below, I don’t think I need to explain why I was so interested in the show.
A failure to properly sublimate my dissatisfaction and desires led me to engaging in escapism.
After the Yoko incident, I chose more wholesome anime, but still consumed it for a slightly similar reason. Over the last month, I have binge watched around 300 episodes of Naruto, with the urgency stemming from wanting to get to the end of the series and the start of its sequel, Boruto, as the romance between the main character and a love interest is finally resolved with them marrying and having children.
I was not interested in watching the filler episodes this time, but the only ones I would have sat through were the ones with Naurto and Hinata, so I actually searched YouTube for a compilation of all their exchanges so I wouldn’t miss out on anything. One of the YouTube comments said “I wish Hinata was real.”, and I really resonated with that, I must admit.
But fast forward to today, I haven’t watched the show in over a week, and gaming feels like a chore. Every time a thought of being leisurely comes to mind, I counter it with a possibility that I could instead squeeze in more productivity.
The same sexual energy I had to keep pressing “Play Next” for Naruto is now what I use to power through my quota hours and push out more creative content across my websites. And it almost feels like I’m just getting started. I haven’t hit the wall yet, and I just might stay in Monk Mode.
But I can’t say that I can attribute all of my recent success to suppressing my sex drive, but in fact it is because of my sex drive that I am so successful.
“But maybe, at the back of my mind, I know things are only going this well because at the end of it all, I still desire the whole carrot... All my debts will be paid off and I’ll have my own space. I’ll have more money and free time to date.
So, if I start running any faster, or my goal seems to be getting closer, it’s only because I’ve gotten hornier, and hungrier.“INTO THE DEPTHS OF DESIRE – DRY FASTING + NO FAP HARD MODE/MONK
Indeed, I am trying my absolute best to crash into the wall of my productivity so that I finally do have an excuse to take a night off and go out dating every once in a while. But as I’ve said, it’s not that easy to do that as a MGTOW.
I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve been influenced by hanging out too long in MGTOW circles that I want to appear to be super logical about my social situation, or that it truly is a genuine feeling of self-guilt that I’ll receive if I’m not making a giant dent in the universe everyday with the maximum amount of progress towards my goals.
But unfortunately it’s even more than that; My head has never been more clear these days and I’m the most focused I’ve ever been.
Even though I considered signing up for some dating apps recently to have something already set up when the lock down is over, the time I would spend browsing and chatting would be reminiscent of my previous wasteful habits infinitely scrolling through social media. I’m already so close to kicking my YouTube habit as well, as I have the ability to refresh the video feed on there too which results in small time sinks.
Essentially, the puzzle is, now that I’ve cultivated such a magnificent focus, should I continue building on it or can I safely divert my attention? Can more self-knowledge be attained right now through simply observing but not engaging with my desires, or is a social/dating life really a dimension worth exploring at this time?
I’m not sure yet, but I’m so thankful I still have 98 more days to figure it all out.
I’ll see you on the Far Side… – Monk Moon Base
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